


A Fruitful Sex Life

by zzzzzzzo



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Blow Jobs, Crack, Grapefruit, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, again i guess this is sorta explicit, but the focus is more on humor than being a sex fic, grapefruiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 20:00:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2704748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzzzzzzo/pseuds/zzzzzzzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>john and karkat have a weird sex life<br/>dave did not sign up for this</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fruitful Sex Life

**Author's Note:**

> you should seriously watch [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM2PwriqOjc) if you want this to make even a lick of sense haha. you should also watch that video even if you aren't gonna read this because it is brilliant. (also if you can't watch it because age restricted [this](http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=oM2PwriqOjc#Angel_s_Bonus_Technique) will work)  
> thanks [bel](http://paradoxicallyspacial.tumblr.com/) for editing this monstrosity, and [quinn](http://felinefan.tumblr.com/) for bringing up the video when i had johnkat on my mind and leading to my inspiration  
> i hope you all enjoy it, thanks! ^^  
> (psst if you do like this you'll probably also enjoy [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2624693) hint hint)

 Your name is Karkat Vantas and you have a plan.

You have had it up to fucking here with John bitching about your 'subpar' blow jobs. Yes, okay, you are _so_ sorry you have a gag reflex, really, how careless of you! Because _clearly_ that is all your fault. Oh, and while we're at it, let's add how cautious you have been ever since you threw up on his dick in the middle of it! Yes, clearly that is a mistake on your part, how _dare_ you not just got at it willy-nilly after that trauma. Oh, woe is you, the very worst boyfriend. Yeah. Sure, of course.

It's obvious the one in the wrong here isn't you, obviously, yet still you have to pay for it, and have now been left with two options. A) Continue sucking him off in your usual way and deal with his complaints until the end of all eternity, or B) come up with something new. After hours of hunting the internet on your epic and highly important quest for a new strategy and coming up with nothing but tactics that have never worked for you, like squeezing your thumb, you were coming close to just not giving him blow jobs entirely and letting him see how he likes _that_. However, after burning through a shit ton of energy drinks and related videos, on the edge of giving up, you found your answer.

“Grapefruiting.”

It is, in short, the most brilliant concept you have ever come across. And you know, immediately, that it is _perfect._

You begin the preparations.

  
  


\---

  
  


Your name is John Egbert and you are kind of confused right now.

Just a few minutes ago, Karkat came into the bedroom with a blindfold, saying he wanted to try something new. Now, that was already unusual, since it's usually you who proposes more creative ideas. Karkat doesn't mind trying things out, but he usually doesn't have any inclination to seek out fancy things himself. Still, you went with it and allowed him to blindfold you.

You don't know what you were expecting, tentacles or him to get all dressed up in a dinosaur fursuit or what, but then he just. Starts sucking your dick. Nothing weird there. Yes, good, actually. Like, a lot good. You complain about his blow jobs quite a bit, but it's mostly just to tease him, because it is _hilarious_ to see how annoyed he gets. They actually are pretty great though. Okay, he can't get far past the head without choking, and you don't want to even talk about the vomiting incident that one time, but still, they feel awesome anyway, and he compensates what his mouth can't take with his hands.

Anyway, besides the blindfold thing it was just a usual incident of Karkat sucking you off. You gasp initially, but soon relax into the good, hot wetness of it. Hum a little, reach to stroke his hair, but then he stops. Pulls back, leaving you to inhale sharply at the sudden feel of cool air on your erection. Which is, okay, kind of annoying, but no big deal.

What really confuses you is when you start to smell citrus. Because, like, what.

“Um, Karkat?”

“Shh...”

“But-”

“Shh!”

You're all set to continue protesting, but just then, the most amazing feeling of holy lukewarm and wetness is on your dick. On the _base_ of it. It's weird though, because it doesn't go all the way over the top of it, it's more like a ring around it, how is he- whoa, it is _moving_ , and he's sucking the head, and about then you stop asking questions because _Jesus,_ that is probably the most amazing sensation you have ever experienced.

What with him already having been down on you for the past few minutes, and that being the best feeling in the universe, it's not surprising when you soon become close to finishing.

But then he stops. _Again_.

_Why._

Whispers for you to take of the blindfold. The ring of warm wetness starts to turn and stroke over you again as you speak, so you find yourself a bit less keen to object.

You do, and.

...Is that a. It's.

He is _definitely_ jerking you off with a grapefruit.

Wow, okay.

“Karkat _what._ ”

He actually smirks at you, just a tiny quirk of his lips. Licks a trail of precum from the head, and, _hnng_ , okay maybe a grapefruit isn't quite as much of a turn-off as you would've thought.

“Is there,” huffing hot breath as he speaks, damn, Karkat can by shy but once he's into something he is _really_ into it, “a problem?”

There is not a problem.

  
  


\---

  
  


EB: and that's when i realized, i could have been fucking a grapefruit all these years.  
TG: brb  
EB: ohoho? *eyebrows*  
TG: it is unrelated to that i SWEAR


End file.
